Still Here, Runaway
by Baby Darth Dalloway
Summary: This is a REPOSTING. Emily and Alison have a lot left between them, and while their actions and words indicate certain things, it's the feelings below the surface that count. My take on the interaction from the 5x12 promos. If we know anything, there is a history, and chemistry there. Definitely an angsty piece. Please read and review (and re-review!). Thanks so much!


Still Here, Runaway

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Title based on songs of recent inspiration around Emison: Still Here by Digital Daggers and Runaway by Pierce Fulton. (The songs names just happened to work out into a decent title)

QUICK NOTE: Hi Everyone! I had to REPOST this story because for some reason it was not showing up on my profile and for some reason I could not access the link even though others have read it! So I apologize for that! XD

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"You think I'm A, don't you?"

It's not as accusatory as one would assume Ali would state it. She's mostly shocked, somewhat hurt, definitely in disbelief, and all of that begins to fade to anger, to bitterness, as she reads Emily's open and guilty face, the taller girl unable to hide the fear she has towards the blonde.

Emily doesn't speak. She glances away, unable to look Alison in the eyes. She's terrified. Terrified of what Ali will see, and not just her fears that Alison might actually be the monster behind all of this terror, but fear that Alison will also see Emily is so not done with her, even though she wants to be.

Alison walks further into the bedroom, growing closer. Her hips sashay slowly, staring Emily down with a confident smirk and narrowed eyes, thin lips revealing her clenched jaw. She brushes past her as Emily refuses to meet that gaze, going to the brunette's desk and finding a picture of just the two of them there. Emily looks over her shoulder. Even without words, it's as if their truths hang in the air.

Emily knows Alison is lying, knows she is playing some game, knows the girl cannot be trusted. She knows Alison has always been and will always be a genius in the realm of lies and manipulation. She knows this all too well. But somewhere in her heart, there is a love for this blonde, a love she doesn't quite understand, one that is filled with so much hope that the girl before her could one day not partake in evil deeds any longer, that she could just be. Emily has grown weary of this hope now, wondering how long it will be until it finally runs out. But then again, it's been present for years even after she believed Alison was gone, and she thinks briefly she'll never give up on Alison, not in her heart, not deep down.

Alison picks the frame up, one arm secured over her waist, her other hand's thumb brushing over the glass of the frame and over their youthful and untainted faces. She gets nostalgic, thinking back to when things used to be so simple. Even if she wasn't the greatest person then, at least things were far less uncomplicated. It seems they had taken everything, hadn't they?

Emily's phone vibrates in her hand, and Alison looks back and catches Paige's name flashing across the screen. She's gone only a short while, but it seems Emily's already running back into the safety of another person's arms. Alison could protect her too, if she'd let her, but she knows the type of psychological warfare that comes so easily to her is something Emily would be uncomfortable with, would frown upon. All's fair in love, and in war, they say. And while Alison finds Machiavelli a godsend in these troubled times, she knows Emily couldn't sit with what Ali has to do to end all of this. They both want the same thing, but how differently a path each one of them will travel in order to end this game.

Brown eyes glance back up at Alison nervously as she silences the call, Paige probably worried about the abrupt departure. But blue sapphires are penetrating her, catching her in the act of being with another. Alison wants to shake her head at the hypocrisy, and Emily just wants everything to be okay. Why did things have to turn out this way?

"One night you're kissing me, and the next, you're back with your ex…You didn't take long, did you?" And Alison knows she's trying to hit her where it hurts, but the thought of Emily with anyone else, especially Paige, makes her blood boil, and she's not going to just sit there and settle.

Emily tenses, but she's grown a backbone in Ali's absence, and she's not going to back down from Ali's accusing tone, not now, not when the girl has left so much unexplained too.

"It's none of your business Ali," she whispers quietly, though directly, making it clear and Alison sneers.

"Well I guess you really are done with me then," she begins, uncrossing her arms and walking right up to Emily to stare her down. She wants to tear Emily apart because this vulnerable thing? It's not something Alison DiLaurentis does with just anyone, and she won't admit how much it's killing her that Emily left her side.

"I've lied about a lot of things Em, but… I've never lied about my feelings for you."

Emily searches her gaze and sees Alison's truth, something she always believed she saw but never wanted to get her hopes too high. There's no doubt Alison loves her. There's no doubt that Ali wants her, has always wanted her, and Emily feels her heart breaking because she wants her too, so badly. Her eyebrows furrow sadly, and she holds in a breath because she can't cry now, not when battle lines are being drawn, not when she's choosing a side that isn't the same one her heart chooses It hurts her to speak, but she knows she has to.

"It doesn't matter Ali, not anymore, not after everything."

And Alison is still smirking because even if she feels her cold heart thawing and feels the pain of this rejection all too clearly, she also knows Emily feels it too. Their connection won't just go away, it can't. It's been there since the beginning and even if they aren't fighting for the same thing, if they're divided in this war, she knows Emily will always have a piece of her heart reserved just for her, and Alison takes satisfaction in knowing Emily is not really done with her. She'll never be done with her, not really.

"You and the other girls better be careful," she says, an ominous warning that makes Emily briefly feel that Alison may not be A, the blonde taking satisfaction in how wrong they are. Alison doesn't think twice as she knocks her shoulder into Emily as she passes by, and she feels her heart closing because she knows this might really be it for them, regardless of how they feel.

"Wait," she hears Emily say, and she pauses in her exit, wondering what the brunette could possibly do.

"I don't want things to be like this."

And Alison smirks. She smirks because it's so Emily, to want things to be simple too. She smirks because her words only reaffirm what she thought Emily was feeling. Emily's not done, not for a long shot, and a piece of her takes satisfaction in that. They're in total chaos and they can't agree on how to survive it. Emily's heart is one of gold, and Alison a survivalist. They admire in each other the things they struggle with doing themselves. There are lines Emily will never cross and Alison wishes she cared enough not to cross them. But this isn't Yahtzee. This is her mother burying her, someone blowing up houses, someone trying to make her life miserable and kill her within in that misery, and Alison will fight dirty, will lie and make personal sacrifices, will not tell the girls everything because she's not ready to die. Not yet. Not when there's still so much life to live.

"Do you ever think about Paris, Em?" she asks, staring at the picture within her line of sight towards the door. It's as if Ali is trying to envision a world where it really is just the two of them, not here.

Emily frowns in confusion, and she thinks back to that day in the classroom, and she understands in that moment that Alison really does want things to be simple too. Emily would like to say she hasn't thought about it, hasn't thought about them in a place far from here…. But she has. She never stopped.

"I-" Emily chokes and grows silent. Alison probably already knows her answer, but she can't verbalize it, not as the tears are finally coming to her eyes and begin to stream down her face in mourning. She mourns for what could have been for them and what she hopes could still be.

Alison doesn't need to turn around to know. She doesn't need to say anything. Their love is present and clear, but there's too much in the way now. Alison's not going to give in, it's just not in her nature, but she wants Emily to know, and so as she finally restarts her journey to the door, she pauses at the entrance.

"Me too," is all she has to say, and with that she's gone. Emily can't help the hurt she feels and the sobs that follow, finally allowing herself to feel her heartbreak over all of this confusion. She sinks to the floor and leans her back against her bed, hands cradling her face as she tries to understand why all of this has to be so hard. Little does she know that Alison spends the rest of her night in the same exact way.

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Hi everyoneeee. I'm sorry this is so damn angsty. There just seems to be a lot of unresolved tension between this pairing, and those promos are intense! As I've been talking/ debating on Tumblr and posting about Emison and PLL, I have to say, I want Emison to be endgame. I got into a lengthy debate with a Paily fan, a civil one mind you! And it was hard to communicate what I feel about Alison, even if it may be a double standard, but I have to say… when it comes to warfare, which is what they're in essentially, I think if you're being attacked the way Ali is, it makes sense to lie and deceive, even those closest to you. If it's for a greater good/ ultimate cause, then yea, I think you're entitled to make sacrifices. I've spent my undergraduate, and now graduate studies, in the realm of ethics, and when it comes to things like this, I see it very differently. Maybe I'm a cold person like Alison, who knows. I just think if Alison's trying to preserve her life, relationships can be mended…you can't mend death.

Anywho, as angsty as this is, I hope you see the threads of hope and longing I was trying to achieve. Yea, it's totally painful right now, but I don't think it has to be, not forever. As Emily even said, she doesn't want it to be like this. :)

That's all I have for now! My Say Something I'm Giving Up On You sequel has a completed outline but has not been started. I'm not going to start it until, one, I feel some Emison positivity flow back into my brain, and two, I have time, haha. Thank you all for reading! Please do review, or even just comment/ message on your thoughts. I love discussion and character analysis. Until next time! ^_^


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